The Grail Tarot says... innocence never returns.

Brother of Vessels (Page of Cups)

In this card, we see a Grail Master giving the blessing to a new Brother, who about to got forth in his own Grail journey. The Brother looks up to the Master; the Master smiles, and remembers his own time as a Brother, taking his first steps into the mysteries.

I feel that I am both the Master and the Brother right now. As a Master, I have learnt a great deal about emotions over these last challenging months. As a Brother, I still have a long journey ahead of me, and need to trust my path. As John Mathews wrote "we need to accept the lot we have been given and follow the path before us without question.". (p. 155)

I like this card, although something about it (perhaps combined with my own emotional state) makes me feel slightly melancholic. The Master knows that the lost innocence never returns...

The Grail Tarot © REDFeather, John Matthews & Giovanni Caselli

The Grail Tarot says... tricky business alert!

I really like when my readings are to the point. Usually this happens when I am not passionate about the subject - then I can see the cards' message very clearly. That said, I seldom read about subjects I am not passionate about... but I am trying to change this.

I pulled two cards yesterday to check the outcome of a possible internet business deal with a rather known company. I had not done anything yet, but for some reason what they offered seemed a bit too good to be true, and I wanted to be on the safe side.

I used the Grail Tarot and a 2-card spread taught in the companion book.

 

The first card is is the Indicator, and gives me the answer to my questions. I had to laugh when I saw the 5 of Lances (5 of Wands). This card shows a knight arriving in a palace that is actually falling apart. The problem is that he is so mesmerised by the golden table and all the delicious food that he doesn't notice the cracks in the walls... I think the answer could not be more direct. Although the company promised many advantages in their offer, something about it isn't right. They tried to make me focus on the good stuff without wondering the nasty things that could come attached to it. What they are offering is not completely secure and could eventually prove bad for me.

The second card is the Qualifier, and gives me something else about the situation. My card for that position was The Grail Seeker (the Fool). The first impression that I got was that the card was telling me to keep looking for a better, more trustworthy deal. But looking at the card again, I see the Seeker standing right before an abyss - I almost fell! Whew! You have to be careful when threading on these illusionary grounds of internet business...

Thank you for the heads up, dear Grail Tarot!

The Grail Tarot © REDFeather, John Matthews & Giovanni Caselli

Miss Scatterbrain's resolve

I am so restless. I smoke, get up, move about. I cannot bear my own company. 

(Anaïs Nin)

I think I know what is wrong with me.

So, I haven't been posting, no I haven't. I feel like I don't have anything to say, and I prefer to stay silent than to fill your eyes with nonsense, dear reader. Which I have done a few times already, specially in the past few weeks. Thank you for allowing me this indulgence.

But I think I know what is wrong with me. I have not been able to focus in any of my studies and personal goals. This reflects in my life as a whole; as Tori Amos would say, I feel like the girl who can't choose between the shower or the bath. Cartomancy-wise, it makes choosing a deck resemble Sophie's Choice, only without the traumatising consequences.

If you can't pick a deck and focus on it for, lets say, 10 minutes, you sure as hell can't do a reading. But the readings are also a problem, because I have fallen again in the same ol' trap: reading excessively for myself (and befuddling myself in the process).

One thing is what we know - the other is what we do. They don't always match. I like reading for myself, I think it's fun (and helpful sometimes). But not in the state I am in.  In the state I am in, it engenders confusion and insanity.

Like Anaïs Nin, I am restless and cannot bear my own company. And despite my best efforts this year to become a better human being, more evolved, more in control, kinder, calmer and wiser, I feel like I haven't improved a jot. No need to pat me on the back, thanks. It is not that I haven't learnt any lesson - I have learnt a lot this year. But I don't think I have improved much - not as much as I had hoped. I am certainly a good gazillion lives away from Buddhahood.

What does it have to do with my card reading? Nothing. Everything. All is part of the same cycle. I am confused. I read myself to get some clarity/insight/guidance. While I am reading, it's wonderful. Back to real life, I am lost like a blind man in a labyrinth. I feel even more confused. I read again. Reading is great. Real life is not that simple. And the cycle repeats. 

The Flower Speaks... Building a decision

Here I am, still at the beach. Dad, his wife, my sister and my boyfriend have left already (they had to work this week) and I am here with my stepbrother. The days are slow... it rained a lot, but today the Sun returned in its full glory. The local bookstore is having a great vacation sale, and the books are so cheap there I'll probably go back home with more books than I should!

But I didn't come here simply to spend money and get a nice tan. When I decided to take this time off, I had a purpose. There's a big - and difficult - decision I need to make, and that's what made me get away from everything in order to see things more clearly. This decision is regarding something very personal that could change my path a lot...and it also involves my loved ones, which will be greatly influenced by what I decide. Big emotional stuff, to which I have given the nickname of "Emotional Turmoil".

I do not expect my cards to make my decisions for me, but I decided to look for guidance. I have been using lately a deck called The Flower Speaks. It's a seamless mix of tarot, herbalism, flower medicine, chakras and even some astrology.

Below is my reading. I have used a spread taught in the companion book, called The Trillium Spread. I asked for guidance regarding my decision-making process.

First column - Action needing to be taken: Iris (Inspiration) and Pistil & Stamen (Creativity)
I am really impressed by how both cards in this position focus on creativity. At first, I does not seem to relate at all to my question, since my decision is not directly related to any creative work of mine. However, looking again I realised that the indecision has been keeping me from pursuing any of the creative goals I once had. They have become dreams and things I think about when riding the bus to work.
I believe both cards are telling me I need to rekindle my my own creativity. I have been letting my "decision" become the master of my life. Also, I believe this pair is pointing to some libido problems I have been experiencing, which are detrimental to me and my partner... I have been holding back my creative powers as a whole.