Days of the Sun

The last month has been kind of crazy, juggling classes, exams, internship and work, so I haven't had much time to study my oracles and much less to write. But I did my own Summer Solstice ritual on December 21st which included, of course, a small work of craft. 

For this Sabbath, I made a small midsummer yarn sun, to decorate my altar during the Solstice night, and then my front door. I got the instructions from this website, and I am quite happy with the results, that you can see in this photo. I realise it's not the usual decoration people associate with Christmas, but I simple refuse to fill my house with plastic evergreens, fake snow and images of a guy dressed in winter clothes when the weather outside is sunny and hot!

Handcrafting items and decorations for each sacred day has been a wonderful experience... in a sense, it entwines my spiritual beliefs more tightly with my daily life. For many years, my practices were something that happened outside of ordinary life, and they also pertained to a side of me that I did not expose to the outside world. But this year, I feel like I am finally managing to unite, within myself, the "Apollonian" M., who works, studies and deals with objetive life, and the "Dionysian" M., the pagan woman who needs to celebrate the mysteries through rituals and to connect with the symbolic world.

That said, my Solstice wasn't just a celebration of life and light... for some reason, the ending of the year always gives me a heavy heart. It is as if I felt the passing of time in my very bones and it overwhelms me with anguish, so I find it hard to simply enjoy the moment. I think it's the "Apollonian" in me who still has illusions of control over life... but it's difficult to get rid of the little voice in my head that insists on whispering: "life is passing, and what have you done so far?"

What have I done so far? I have done a lot... I have a good life, with many wonderful people in it, which is more than many can claim to have. So why do I still feel this dissatisfaction? Sometimes, I feel as if there was something I should be doing, but I am not and try as I might I cannot remember what it is. The only moment this little, disquieting voice goes away is when I am writing, or making these small craft works for my altar... 

For this Solstice, I have thanked the Great Mother and Father for all good things and people they have put in my path... I have thanked them for the family that supports me, and for the fact I have everything that I need. I have asked them to lighten my heart and enlighten my path, so that I can find my way with more confidence and less anxiety about the things that are beyond my control...

PCO: Look at the cards!

Sometimes, the answer is not in the individual meanings of the cards, but rather in the entire "look" of a spread. A friend of mine asked me to see in the cards whether she could be pregnant. She has an IUD and there has been no problems with it, as far as she knows... However, she felt a little bit paranoid and so asked me for a reading.

As soon as I looked at the cards, I got a very strong impression that she is not pregnant.

Lets ignore the card meanings and look at the general image given by the cards. The 7♦ in the Head position makes me think – laugh if you want – of the phallus and the sperm, going in to reach their fertilising goal. However, its path is being interrupted by the only black card in the spread, the 7♣. Note that both 7s are pointed at each other, like in a fight. Had both been facing the same direction, my interpretation would have been very different.

The 7♣ is the Sword of Enchantment, which is shaped, coincidentally, like T. Also, it's in the Throat position, which speaks of how the different parts of a situation are connected. In my mind, it represents the IUD, "blocking" the path of the 7♦, thus impeding the connection/conception. The 7♣ also speaks of an "unseen force" which acts in apparent magical ways – a fitting description for an IUD!

What about the lower cards? The 4♦ in the Torso position could point to pregnancy, specially since it's a card that speaks of unplanned circumstances. But Diamonds by itself does not feel like a very "fertile" suit for me... in a more positive spread, I'd expect at least one Heart card, preferably combined with a Spade. Looking at the way the pips are positioned in the 4♦, I see a tunnel, a pathway... the one that is being blocked by the 7♣. 

Last, but not least, we have the A♦ in the Foot position. Aces stand for new beginnings so this is another one that could be pointing to a more positive response. In this case, though, I see the A♦ representing the "raw" potential for procreation - the egg cell. One of the cool things about Ignita is that inside its diamond-shaped pip, there's the small foetus-like silhouette, speaking of its live-giving potential. However, it's still being guarded by the Dragon, waiting for the proper moment to manifest itself.

Alright, but aren't Clubs and Diamonds compatible suits? Couldn't the 7♦ and 7♣ be "working" together, thus making the pregnancy a likely event? Yes – like I said, had both Swords been pointing downwards, towards the A♦, I'd think there's a greater chance the conception has happened. But this spread clearly gives me the image of two powers which are going in opposite directions, creating a stalemate.

Also, the 4♦ in the Torso position does not strike me as a particularly fertile card. For me, it says that the womb is too "unstable" right now to hold a pregnancy. Let us not forget that the IUD – be it a copper coil or a hormonal one – makes the uterus uninhabitable for the sperm. I'd say the 4♦ in this position represents that.

Of course, I am still waiting for further developments to know whether my reading was accurate or not. Nevertheless, it's interesting to see how the cards communicate beyond their individual messages. More than recalling memorised meanings, one has to look at the cards as a whole to see what picture they are painting together.

The Playing Card Oracles © Ana Cortez & C.J. Freeman

PCO: In hindsight

I know it's not really fair to post a reading and its interpretation after things have happened, with the benefit of hindsight. I actually did this reading last Monday (November 1st), and had planned to post it right away. But life happened, and I ended up not having the time.

The thing is that the reading kind of manifested itself just a couple of hours after I did it. I honestly did not expect to get a visible response so soon!

My question was related to my internship which, having officially started a couple of months ago, was feeling rather stagnated. I asked the oracles what could be happening to hinder the progress so much, drew four cards using the Playing Card Oracles' present spread and also two witches runes.

At first, the reading did not make much sense. The J♣ (Lancelot) in the head position didn't help much, as it's a card that still confuses me a bit. The 10♦ (Tendra) combined with the 8♠ spoke, to me, of a situation that is demanding a lot and really sucking the energy of the involved people. The 9♦ reinforced the idea of a decrease of energy, usually spent on helping others.

The runes I drew were the Woman + Star. The Star is a particularly positive rune, but in this context – and specially because the J♣ was the top card – it spoke to me of a strong idealism. So, there was the important influence of a woman who was trying very hard to achieve a certain ideal.

Putting the pieces together, I got the idea that our situation was stagnated because those we should be working with – which, by the way, is an all-female team – were really terribly busy with something that was consuming them. I did consider both the J♣ and the 10♦ could represent the people involved, but because Lancelot still befuddles me (I'll have to dedicate a post to him someday) I wasn't sure.

Turns out the situation was pretty much what the cards said. During the last month, the team had been facing a critical situation with one of the students they were trying to help: a 30-something woman with a Tendra-ish personality (at least judging from what they told me). The team leader – a very idealistic woman – got heavily emotionally involved, and was exhausted trying to solve the problem. They were, thus, unable to properly communicate with us, and that's why everything seemed stagnated on our side.

In a sense, this situation helped us to be able to tell them that, as Psychology interns, we are supposed to help them with such problems. They don't have to "spare us", quite the contrary, they should share so we can handle it together and help each other cope. This positive result showed up in the Geomancy: Carcer + Amissio = Fortuna Major. From a situation that generated limitations and losses, arises a chance of creating something better.

Like I said, in hindsight everything looks very clear. Still, this spread reminded me that I need to trust the cards. When I first did the reading, I felt kinda lost and even felt tempted to shuffle the deck again and draw new cards. I'm glad I didn't.

For he is the fire inside my heart

My Beltane celebration was a couple of days late, but still it was a time of great creativity for me. I've made yet another set of Witches Runes – my wooden set is nice to carry around, but I had been missing the "weight" of actual stones to work with – and a miniature Maypole (or should it be called a "November-Pole"?), to symbolise the colours and fertility of the season. I drank wine, danced and thanked the Mother and the Father for all wonderful things They have granted me: health, family, prosperity, love.

Love.

For the longest time, I did not know how to receive love. I idealised passion, and thought that any relationship that wasn't constantly "burning" was dead. I did not know that Love was a fire that could be both stoked into a great bonfire, and muffled into a warm glow, according to the necessity of those involved. It's a dance. It waxes and wanes, it ebbs and flows, it has moments of great proximity and wider distance... and all that is fine. This is the way of nature. 

No creature in nature is, for instance, passionate all the time. Even the flowering of trees depends on the season in which they rest and save energy. Animals procreate during spring and summer, so that their offspring will be mature enough to face the coming autumn and winter. We too go through all four seasons in our bodies, souls and hearts.

My boyfriend L. has been my greatest teacher in this aspect. He has taught me a love that is both peaceful and passionate, with moments of stillness and distance, and moments of movements and deep connection. All respecting each other's rhythm, based on trust and openness. 

When I first started seeing him, I had been for a long time either single or involved in very toxic relationships, that were more about power games than about love. I was very defensive. I lashed out and attacked him, because I was used to being wounded. I did not believe we would go far, because I was used to relationships crumbling as soon as I got comfortable. I confess that I tested the strength of his decision to stay with me, even my bad days, because I was used to only being wanted when I was a "good girl". 

But he stayed. Unlike me, he wasn't as broken and as distrustful of relationships. He tamed the scared animal inside my heart with the gentlest of touches, and the warmest of loves.

This Beltane, I dedicated my thoughts to him. To the man who chose to love me, and whose love I chose to deserve. And, in response, I see my love for him growing steadily, day by day. I know the world will test us and our bond. Our choices will test us, the passing of the time will test us, the natural decline of all things will test us... That said, I do hope that we continue to grow together, tending our fire in loving, wise and friendly ways for as long as our connection is meant to last.

On why I don't call myself a witch

Recently, there was a thread in the Tarot Forum asking about people who consider themselves "witches". If we think of "witchcraft" as a certain practices based on supernatural beliefs, I think I could be considered one. But me, I have become weary of the word.

Below is my personal response to the topic. I am sharing it here because I believe I have managed to explain why I think the world "witch" has lost its strength, to become just another empty word (together with "empathy" and "gratitude") in the hands of an esoteric trend that has a lot more to do with consumerism than anything else.

~*~

I don't call myself a witch.

I have nothing against the nomeclature itself. But, at least in my country, I feel that capitalism has taken over the word... Being "witchy" and "mystical" is something that sells a lot right now. I don't think spirituality should be reduced to products, aesthetics, empowerment and social media persona. And I also don't think the religious experience - regardless of how you experience it or how you call it - is mainly about being empowered. In fact, in my experience, it is often a profoundly humbling thing. So the world "witch" has become loaded with a type of mentality that I disagree with.

I call myself a Pagan, period. It gives a good idea of how I commune with the divine that I see in the world.

Whether I do magic or not, it's another matter entirely, and it is not even the most essential part of my practice anyway...

The Goddess Oracle: Seeking the silver lining

Following my previous post, which was rather pessimistic, I decided to do a reading in order to gain a more growth-oriented view of my situation and of how I have been feeling. I used The Goddess Oracle with the Tree Spread for that.

1. The current situation/issue ~ Artemis (Selfhood)

Artemis speaks of a difficulty in establishing the "limits" of one's individuality - how permeable one is to what is external or not. "Do the boundaries of your selfhood seem blurred and indistinct?", she asks, and I can relate to this question. I have always been easily affected by what goes around me, but lately, this has become even more intense, to the point of being unbearable sometimes. I think the social isolation has made me even more sensitive (oversensitive even), and the fact our social context here is rather chaotic adds to the insecurity.

Artemis also asks "how can you expect to hit any targets if you don’t have a self from which to shoot?", which confirms the idea that I need to work on this notion of "self", because it has been one of my weak spots.

2. The origin of the situation/issue ~ Hestia (Hearth/Home)

Now that's an interesting card. One of the major changes that happened to me this year is the fact that I moved to live alone for the first time in my life. A bit late, I know, but I have always been a late bloomer in pretty much everything. Hestia in this position seems to point that, although I have gained physical and material independence, emotionally I still have a hard time being a "home" to myself. This movement towards creating my own home has helped me to achieve greater independence, which is very important, but maybe it has left me more unconsciously insecure, since now I must rely mostly on myself and face the realities of the life I have been creating.

3. How to grow from the situation ~ Hecate (Crossroads)

Hecate speaks of choices and the need to face the fear of the unknown when making decisions. But she also says that, sometimes, we need to wait until we are ready to make the necessary choice and trust that, when the time comes, we will be able to do so. I think Hecate here tells me that I need to discern the things I can choose about from those that are beyond my personal choice, and thus there is no point suffering endlessly about. This ties with Artemis' message: define what pertains to my selfhood, in order to choose from that point, instead of constantly trying to "fix" or suffering for what is beyond my control

4. The outcome or future developments ~ Pele (Awakening)

In this position, Pele says that even thought things seem bleak right now, new awakenings are possible - IF I manage to tackle the challenges that this readings has unveiled, of course. I have been "sitting in stillness" for too long now, but I won't be able to suddenly spring up into action unless an inner movement occurs first. "Pay attention to all that life is telling you. Pele says that when you nurture awakening, your life becomes creative rather than reactive."

In order to be able to reach this place, I need to become more secure in my selfhood and individual value, which are the joined messages of Artemis and Hestia. I need to become a home for myself, because I can hope to have anything to offer to this world. The path to that is to start making possible choices, instead of focusing on impossible problems that I cannot personally solve. 

As usual, The Goddess Oracle is very incisive in its advice. I know I have been going around in circles here, often struggling with my own feelings of powerlessness and inadequacy, having a difficult time accepting that my path is different from what I feel is expected from me. I still compare myself unfavourably to other people in my social circle, and I feel like I have nothing important to give to the world. But, like Artemis and Hestia said, I will only improve on that when I learn how to respect my own unique ways, and how to be a welcoming home to my own spirit.

The Goddess Oracle [Brazilian Edition] copyright © Amy Sophia Marashinsky & Hrana Janto

Pessimism of the intellect, optimism of the will

Every now and then, I am overcome with a certain hopelessness.

Not in a sense of thinking that "life sucks" or that this world is bad. Not at all. I love life and I love this world, passionately. I love watching its rebirth from the winter to spring, the birds singing and building nests, the buzzing insects, the little animals with their newly born offsprings... all in harmony with All There Is.

All, except for us. Humans.

Not all humans, of course. There were (still are, a few) humans who knew how to co-exist in a balanced way with the Mother. But they were killed, and their descendants are left to die in poverty and indignity or are forced to adapt to our so-called "civilised" ways. Ways that have created a lot of sublime things – art, music, science, literature –, indeed. But ways that have also become increasingly destructive and selfish.

Sometimes, when am I all alone and in silence, I feel no hope for us. I don't feel we are becoming any better as a species or as a planetary community. Despite all our "evolution", we are not becoming more creative, more advanced in anything that is not technology, or even more humane. Quite the contrary, our culture is dwindling into social media-fostered mediocracy, everyone having their "15 minutes of fame" or suffering because they can't. Meanwhile, species disappear, thousands of kilometres of forest burn, poor people die from lack of basic living conditions and arseholes like Bezos and Musk, who have enough money to change the game, prefer to waste billions sending penis-shapped vessels into the space.

We are destroying everything we touch, including each other. In our collective blindness, we devour resources, anihilate trees, birds, insects, fish, herbs, flowers, mountains, and still have the gall to believe that we will somehow make it in the end because we are "special", like the heroes of a typical North American film, with a perpetual plot armor.

I'm afraid today I wasn't in the mood for an oracle reading. The fact my own country is thrown in a disastrous political, social and economical chaos, with little hope of crawling back out, doesn't help to make my mood any better.

That said, pessimism is a rather poisonous (and useless) state of spirit. It feels too much like giving up, and the Dionysian in me always wishes to affirm life, no matter what. So when it arrives, I follow Antonio Gramsci's motto and try to balance my "pessimism of the intellect" with an certain "optimism of the will"...

Mythic Tarot: A reading for business matters

This is a reading I did for a friend earlier today. Let's call her J. 

J. owns a Pilates studio together with other two friends, and despite all economic instabilities caused by the pandemics, they have been doing quite well. Now they are thinking about expanding their business, so she came to me for a reading to ask whether it was a good time for it or not.

I chose to use the Mythic Tarot, which is a deck I really like working with. I also pulled a card from The Goddess Oracle, because I find it tends to complement well the Tarot readings. I used a simple Peladan spread.

1. What is the situation about? ~ Judgement
In this position, the Judgements tells me that, indeed, this is a very important moment of decision and reassessment. They have to analyse their entire journey, from how they started to now, and decide where they want to go. Also, they need to decide how committed they are to something more long-term, because the same things that has potential to bring them greater gains, will also demand more from them. No sitting on the fence.

2. What is the situation not about? ~ Seven of Wands
Here, the 7 of Wands, which is a card of defensiveness, criticism and opposition, loses some of its power. I get the impression it's telling us there is no opposition right now to what they wish to do. They no longer need to fight to "find their place in the sun", so that energy can be harnessed to another goal.

3. Most likely development ~ Six of Cups
This card confused me a bit at first. What is a cup card doing in a business reading? But then, I remembered the 6 of Cups speaks not only of nostalgia, but also of the ability to integrate the past into the present under a more realistic light. When we start a project, we have many idealisation about how it will go. As time passes, our idealisations give room to a more realistic view. But becoming more realistic does not need to mean becoming cynic or losing love for that you do. It means learning to love the reality of what you do. I feel this is what the card is telling them - this moment os decision and reassessment will make them think about what they had in mind when they first started, and how these dreams and wishes have transformed and can continue to inspire them.

New Moon Reading: Holding out for a hero

This month's spread is a bit bleak, with all those black cards, but we have dearest Lancelot (J♣) in the Foot position and he usually gives things a more positive spin. I confess the J♣ still eludes me somehow... in theory, I know what he's supposed to mean, but in practice, during an actual reading, I find it hard to define exactly who or what he is.

The numerology of this spread doesn't promise many changes. All cards are even, which suggest a certain stability, and only the J♣ is an odd number. Also, he's the only card that has ANY red colour in it, even though he's a Club card. I get the feeling that Lancelot is going to play a significant role in the coming cycle.

Clubs and Spades together make a logical and predictable combination. This tells me this won't be a month of great surprises or excitements. The 4♣ of in the Head position and the 8♠ in the Heart tell me that it's likely to be a time of doldrums - slow head and a heavy heart.

But we also have two Court cards. First, Morgana Q♠) in the Throat position. I see that in two ways. She can represent an actual person, whose presence is likely to generate trouble and obstacles. Also, she can represent the attitude that is needed to overcome the problems pointed by the other cards. Morgana has enough patience, endurance and ambition to persevere even when the atmosphere isn't optimal. 

Second, we have Lancelot. Being the only odd card in this spread, I sense in him as if standing in defiance against the rest of the spread. He can mean someone who gives support, not only for the spirit but also for the heart. My impression is that he represents by boyfriend here, as he is a man with many Lancelot-ish qualities about him. 

The Geomancy is, once again, dismal: Tristitia + Via = Cauda Draconis. Cauda Draconis as the Judge worries me a bit because this figure often represents things that are about to end, and not in a nice way. But, in my current context, I can't really see what it could refer to - unless it refers with a "dead end", like, a situation that does not go forward, which would make more sense in this spread. Tristitia + Via together represent upsetting delays, or movements what do not bring satisfaction.

The TL/DR of this spread for me would be: a slow cycle, with heavy things to work through. I may have to deal with a difficult presence (probably an older woman) in my affairs, who will block my progress or slow it down. But also, I will be supported by a male, a very balanced individual who can help me endure and resist the crushing weight of my responsibilities. 

I don't foresee catastrophe, just another tiring month. I think I am going through that phase in which you have to stay the course until it's over, and find some comfort where you can. Anyway, this spread makes me think of Bonnie Tyler's "Holding Out For a Hero" for some reason...

The Playing Card Oracles © Ana Cortez & C.J. Freeman

On Prediction & Free Will

The text below is my (slightly ammended) response to a topic at Tarot, Tea & Me regarding the apparent paradox between free will and the possibility of prediction. I think it sums up well how I feel about the subject for now, so I decided to preserve it here. 

I once talked here about a similar topic, but focused on the aspect of Fate. My position still stands that I believe certain events in our life are fated, and happen regardless of our choices. We can run, we can hide, but we will eventually have to face them. I do not think this logic applies to everything that happens to us, though.

As usual, there is no hard science or philosophy to back me on this. It is but my very personal point of view. 

~*~

I don't think the possibility of prediction negates free will. There's causality, which says that things happen in consequence of other things, but these consequences are not as obvious or as immediate as we think they are. I think this is where prediction "acts" - it points to where our current "thread of causality" is leading. Sometimes is can be changed... sometimes, it cannot. There are things you can't just 'free will' your way out. The fact you were born in a certain time, place and family gets to determine a lot of things in your life. You can change where you are going in some aspects - move to another place, leave your family if they suck -, but the past cannot be changed, thus it is not subject to free will. 

I like Viktor Frankl's definition of free will: To choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way. So free will does not get to determine our circumstances - the causality behind they are way too complex and bigger than us - but, to some degree, we can determine how we react to them. 

Of course, if you suffer from, let's say, a health condition that impedes you from being able to choose your own attitude, then your power to free will is diminished. Some authors in psychology even define "mental illness" as a certain lack of freedom in which to navigate the world. Even physicists argue whether free will can exist in a universe pre-determined by the nature of the laws of physics. 

Last, but not least, there's a quote from the film The last Samurai, which I like a lot: 

Katsumoto: You believe a man can change his destiny? 

Algren: I believe a man does what he can, until his destiny is revealed.

I, too, think we do what we can, with what we have, as life reveals itself to us. Like Frankl, I believe a lot of our free will lies in the way we react or act about events that happen to us. 

This is where divination can be helpful, as it gives us an idea of what is ahead right now, so that we may better consider our own current steps. Or, in the case of fated situations, it lets us know what is to come so at least we may somehow prepare our spirits for it.

Interview with the Oracle of the Dragonfae (2nd edition)

Back in earlier days of this blog, when it was still called "Saturness", I developed a routine of doing weekly readings called "Oh No, It's Monday!" ("ONIM", for short). It was meant to be guidance for the coming week and it worked quite well. The oracle that inspired me to start it was the Oracle of the Dragonfae (the first edition), which I owned back then.

You will not find these posts here because I have deleted them. The reason was that I felt some of them contained a lot of details about my daily life which I did not feel comfortable having online anymore. Not that this blog is not filled ad nauseam with my experiences, but I have always strived to weave them into more universal reflections regarding oracle reading and/or spirituality. The ONIM readings focused too much on my ordinary life though.

Anyway, the first edition of the Oracle of the Dragonfae came to me through a trade, and I didn't pay much attention to the deck until I had a dream about it. In this dream, a voice constantly called the name 'Fernia', which I had no idea what it was. When I woke up, I went looking through my decks to find which one contained a card with this name... and, indeed, it was one of the Dragonfae cards. From that point forward, I became very connected to the deck.

But then lots of things changed in the years after that, and I ended up passing the Oracle of the Dragonfae on. I regretted it eventually, but nothing could be done, it was gone. Then, recently, I came across this deck again and decided to buy it. It has gone through some great changes for the second edition (which include the redesign of many of the cards) but its spirit remains the same as I remembered.

To start working with it again, I decided to do a deck interview spread.

Alone in the mysteries of Spring

Yesterday, I celebrated the Spring Equinox (Ostara). Alone, as usual, with a glass of wine, music, poetry and a feeling of deep connection to Her.

I talked to Her. I told Her bout my fears, my limitations, my doubts. She knows it all, but it felt good to be able to say certain things out loud. Things that were like a stone stuck down my throat. Things I cannot share with other human beings.

The more time passes, the more I seem less able to find people with whom I can fully connect and share with. It seems I am always making myself smaller, more digestible, less complex, less conflicted, as to not be unpalatable to others. As to not bother them with my intensity. I cut myself in little pieces so that they can chew me without choking. 

My therapist says it's a smart defence technique of mine, since the outside world cannot always take us as we are, specially if we are to keep a certain social harmony. She says it's the way I protect my soft inner core from the outside aggression. I agree. I do get lonely sometimes, though.

But with my Mother, I can share it all. She already knows me, there's no little secret, no guilty pleasure, no hidden shame that She is not aware of. She is my freedom. Before Her, I am naked, and seen, and heard.

My craft project for Ostara was a hanging pentagram decorated with dried flowers. I made it from a flexible small branch that I cut from a tree (I asked permission and left some natural offerings in exchange) and a some cotton string. I quite like it... right now it's on my altar, but I plant to hang it on my front door, or somewhere visible, as an amulet and also a symbol of my devotion.

After many years, I have come to terms with the fact my practices are likely to remain solitary... and it's not so bad, for now. I am only rediscovering who I am in terms of spirituality, beliefs, goals and dreams. I have often been flooded by the inputs of others in the past, to the point of never believing – not even hearing – my own voice. It's all right for me to explore and occupy the mysterious places within myself without others knowing of it, questioning it, criticising it, disagreeing with it. My solitude in this is also my protection. And during my rites, I always know that, though I seem to be alone, I am never really lonely.

She is with me. She knows me by name.

PCO: What to expect of my internship?

Finding an internship in Psychology during the pandemics has been no easy feat. Many places that used to offer positions for interns have reduced their staff significantly. But, thanks to a friend, I have managed to get an internship at an educational institution. The drawback? It's going to be entirely online.

It makes sense – all my classes and even my job are online these days – , but I confess I can't help but feel somewhat sceptical. It'll be my first practical experience in Psychology, an area that demands interactions and opportunities to observe, and having to experience it all through a screen doesn't sound very exciting. So I did a reading asking what should I expect of this internship? 

First of all, the numbers in this spread are all low and most are even (the 3♣ being the only exception). This tells me that the experience as a whole may be more underwhelming than expected or hoped for. There is not Diamond card, which makes sense since I won't be getting paid, but it also denotes a lack of ambition, energy and creativity. The amount of black cards also speaks of a colder, more introspective vibe here.

The 2♥ + 4♠ make a interesting, balanced combination, that mitigates somewhat the first impressions given by the numerology. The Lovers in the Head position show that the internship will involve me emotionally. The 4♠ is a cold, aggressive wind that asks us to take shelter. And the Lovers are right above it, tied and naked... in short, vulnerable. 

I don't think the cards point at something dramatically bad, only that this internship will force me to face my own vulnerabilities. I have been a good Psychology student so far, but can I be a good Psychologist professional? Also, the fact that the two figures are tied in the 2♥ makes me think I'll not have a lot of "freedom" in my activities. This is reinforced by the two runes I drew, which I'll come back to later.

The 4♠ + 6♠ also add to the impression of "cold" I felt before. The 6♠ (The Ruins) in the Heart position speaks strongly of loneliness to me. There won't be much spontaneous emotional warmth or support. The focus will be on responsibility, pragmatic work, bureaucracy, organisation and other Earth-related characteristics. 

The 3♣ in the Foot position puzzles me a bit. It's the only odd number card, and the 3s always make me think of the steps in a stair, that allow you to go up or down. But either way, you have to move. I think this experience, in spite of its limitations, will help me to grow. My state of mind will contribute to how much I can "take" from it. Also, being in the position of practical things, the 3♣ also reinforces an idea of introspection, since it's a card of silence and careful ponderation.

The geomancy for this spread is Tristitia + Caput Draconis = Conjunctio. Tristitia stands for sadness, indifference, boredom, which I believe reflect well how I feel about this situation. Caput Draconis, however, is a very good figure that points to positive beginnings. I think it's saying that my mind is creating this bleak outlook more than the events themselves. Conjunctio tells me the situation will balance itself out, and the cons will not outweigh the pros. 

All in all, I get the impression that this internship will not be breakthrough experience. It'll be a bit dry, but still I will be able to grow from it. I have to take it as it comes and make most of it, because my mental and emotional state will influence a lot on how much I can enjoy it. 

Last, but not least, the Witches Runes: I got the Eye and the Crossroads. These two symbols together make me think of a "blocked vision" and of "feeling blocked because one is being watched". And, indeed, even though my experience will be online, I have a lot of people watching and taking notes of what I do. I think this relates interestingly to the "limitation of movement" I saw in the 2♥. There won't be much room for innovation or experimentation, it'll be a tranquil but matter-of-fact experience overall. 

The Playing Card Oracles © Ana Cortez & C.J. Freeman

Tarot de Marseille: What is this meeting about?

This reading was done for my friend C.L right before she had a meeting she was a nervous about. She's in the process of prearing herself to leave the place she works at, and she feared this sudden meeting was about sending her away before she was ready to. 

So I pulled 5 cards from my old Majors-only Tarot de Marseille and laid them in a Peladan Spread. I wanted to know, objectively, what the metting was about and whether she had any reason to worry. 

As soon as I looked at the cards, I knew she had no reason to worry.

What a slow reading. My first impression what that the meeting definitely wasn't about anything urgent. The Hermit, the High Priestess, the Temperance... hardly the material of a cataclysm.  

My interpretation was that the meeting was about bringing a situation to light. It was not the moment to keep secrets (High Priestess in the negative position), but rather to shed light and reveal things. The Wheel of Fortune suggested that an opportunity might appear. It also gave me the impression that this meeting would set her situation in her job at motion, but that any changes that came would happen slowly and require careful planning and balancing (Temperance). She would have time to do her things her way. No catastrophe, nothing terribly urgent.

The Justice as an advice told me she needed to be very objetive about whatever she had to say during this meeting. No appealing to emotions, only facts. And if any offers came, she needed to ponder about them rationally and be very clear about her choice.

After the meeting happened, C.L told me they wanted to offer her a new position of work – one that she had already rejected at heart, because it would involve working with the very people that were making her want to quit. She also said that she did most of the talking and that, indeed, the meeting ended up being an opportunity for her to show the reality of her situation and how she had been forced into isolation by the decisions of some people in her workplace (which fits the Hermit nicely). She brought up the injustices she had suffered, which also reflect the Justice card in the advice position.

So she said no to their offer, and announced she was going to leave by the end of the year. Her decision had already been made before the meeting, but revealing it publicly gave her the impulse to actually prepare to quit her job.

This reading was interesting because I got a feedback on the same day I did it. I still think I am a bit rusty. There were factors that I missed and that only became clear to me after the feedback. Still... I wasn't completely off beam and that's good too!

Deck Review: Oracle Belline

I've been meaning to review the Oracle Belline for a long time now, because I consider it so underrated in the divination community! I have owned the vintage Grimaud 1961 edition for years, but it was only when it got published in Brazil recently that my interest in it peaked, and that I discovered what a good reading deck it actually is.

The deck has 53 cards, and its entire structure is based on Astrology. The first three cards – Destiny, The Man's Star and The Woman's Star – have no astrological correlation. There's also a Blue Card, which some authors consider to have a special meaning, while others say that it's just a replacement in case one of the cards is lost. All other 49 are inherently astrological: 7 cards for each of the 7 classical planets. Each card represents a particular aspect of that planet, for instance, amongst the Mercury cards we have ones such The Book (representing knowledge), The Bat (representing theft), The Caduceus (representing exchanges), and so on. The Venus cards include The Lyre (representing the aesthetic pleasures of life), The Two Hearts (representing love) and The Wounded Heart (representing passion), etc.

This decks uses Traditional Astrology, so there are no outer planet cards. Also, planets like the Sun and Jupiter have more beneficial associations, while Mars and Saturn are more "malefic". Knowing Astrology might add more depth to the readings, but the truth is that you do not need to know it in order to use to read the cards, because they are very self-explanatory. 

As for the deck itself, the 1961 Grimaud edition comes in very sturdy lift-off-lid box, with a leather-like texture. The deck and its booklet fit very snugly into it. The cards have a good size for small hands – 6 x 9,7 cm (~2.4 x 3.8 inches) – , and the corners are sharp, not rounded. The card-stock has a very good quality, with a glossy but not overly shiny finish and a smooth touch (the cards slide delightfully well while shuffling). The colours are very beautiful and well-preserved, considering the deck is nearly 60 years old. All cards have a golden Art Deco-ish filigree border around the main image, and the back of the cards show golden stars on a dark blue background.

Each card has the symbol of its ruling planet on the upper right corner and, below it, a keyword written vertically. In some cases, the name had been written above the image, which makes me think they might have been a later addition. Also, the cards have a number on the upper left corner.

The booklet has 72 pages and is fairly complete compared to other vintage booklets I have seen. It has instruction in three languages – French, English and German – , and tells a very interesting tale of how the cards came to be. Apparently, a clairvoyant named Belline found these cards amongst some documents that were about to be discarded by one of his clients. They were originally designed in the 19th century by another clairvoyant called Edmond, who lived in Paris and claimed to have predicted Victor Hugo's exile and Alexandre Dumas' success, amongst other events. Belline decided to reproduce this deck so that it could used once again.

New Moon Reading: In the eye of the energy storm

I did this reading during the New Moon on 8th August, during the Oracle Tide hosted by Ana Cortez, but I am only posting it now. To be honest, I am still finding it a bit hard to make sense of it...

Let's start with the most obvious signs. First of all, this spread contains only even numbers, and most of them low, so this probably will not be a cycle filled with big changes or instabilities. Even numbers speak of being receptive and stabilising yourself before taking the next step. 

That said, the two suits we have here – Diamonds and Spade – are not exactly... laid-back. Being one black and the other red, these suits do balance each other out, but in a rather rough manner. So, we have a very productive and goal-oriented energy in this spread, but the numbers say that despite this potential for activity, there is a certain hesitance to actually become active.

Contradictory, uh? And it's interesting because the individual cards reinforce this.

The top and bottom cards are two highly energetic ones. The 2♦ (The Rivals) is all about getting that special creative spark, usually through a dynamic partnership with someone who complements or opposes you. The 4♠ (North Wind) has an uneasy energy, one that does not allow us to feel comfortable and safe and that often makes us look for protection and security. Together, these cards speak to me of a challenging atmosphere, not necessarily in a negative way... There's something about this Lunar cycle's energy that will unsettle us, provoke us.

Now, if we look at the middle cards – 6♦ (The Tower) and 10♠ (Terrene) – the energy is very different. Both the Tower and Terrene are rather conservative cards. They are not the type to risk and take impulsive action. The 6♦ speaks of finding security in a "high place", from which you can have a clear view of what's going on and plan accordingly. It's a card of strategy and vision. And the Lady of Spades... she's someone who tends to stay on the safe side and focus on the essential small things of everyday existence, rather than thinking big and being ambitious.

So yes, this reading has clearly two opposing tendencies to it (and The Rivals at the top should already be an indication of that). What gives?

My opinion is that, in the coming cycle, our inner energy might not be in harmony with the outer energy around us. Perhaps the world will demand things from us we are not yet ready to give, or impose situation we are not yet sure how to deal with. We have to face the challenges without getting carried away by their apparent urgency.

The geomancy for this reading was Populus + Acquisitio = Acquisitio. Populus speak of instability, especially one that comes from a collective context. But the double Acquisitio says that there is a lot to be gained from it, if one can handle the uncertainty. So no, it's not time to withdraw from the challenges or to be intimidated, but rather to find a way to stay grounded and secure when things around us become agitated. 

And the advice of the cards for this is: look at events strategically (6♦) and take it day by day (10♠). Also, take good care of your body and physical well-being in general.

The Playing Card Oracles © Ana Cortez & C.J. Freeman

Rites of simplicity

It is Imbolc here in the Southern Hemisphere. It's the second Sabbat that I celebrate ever since returning to my Neo-Pagan practices. My idea is to try to complete the customary a-year-and-a-day period in order to reacquaint myself with my own beliefs and also to restructure my practice. 

I have been keeping it simple. In the past, I used to fantasise about making fancy rituals for each Sabbat, involving a formally cast magical circle, a complex altar and all... and what usually happened is that I felt they were never quite as good as I had envisioned, which often put me off of celebrating altogether. 

One of my goals is to overcome my own – often hindering and self-sabotaging – perfectionism. Doing something, no matter how small and simple, is better than doing nothing. I am happy that at least for this Imbolc I managed to get crafty and create two altar decorations: a "bride" doll made of wheat stalks and a Brigid's Cross made of twine. You can see the doll on the photo above the text, on my altar with the candles. The doll is a bit on the skinny side, but she looks cute.

All in all, I am happy. I feel like my practice is more organic and less idealistic, therefore less frustrating. As much as I wanted to be the sort of person capable of naturally doing fancy, Instagram-worthy rituals, I confess that casting a circle and calling the corners still fills me with imposter syndrome. I don't know if I will ever overcome this inner insecurity of not being "witchy" enough, but I also know I need to give myself time to rediscover what works for me and what doesn't. 

What I know so far is that I enjoy observing the holy days, for they connect me with the passage of time in Nature and with the ever-changing aspects of Mother Earth. I also enjoy lighting a candle and drinking some wine during the Full Moons. I like having an altar, because it's a place of devotion and reconnection. I am still working on starting a proper "grimoire" but I'm not sure yet of what I will write in it. A lot of my experience with Paganism is heavily influenced by Wicca, which is how I first learnt about Pagan practices, but I do not know if I will continue to follow a Wiccan-inspired path or if something different will call to me.

I feel like I am walking a well-worn path, but seeing everything with new eyes. The candles of Imbolc guide me as the wheel turns. I follow, one small step at a time.

To know the Gods by name

In retrospect, I believe the Gods have always spoken to me.

When I was a child, I was passionate about mythology. I was very proud that, by the age of 8, I knew the names of all planets and the Gods they represented. I loved shows and cartoons that had to do with Greek Mythology – Xena, the Warrior Princess, Saint Seiya, Disney's Hercules (and even back then, I knew that the mythology in that particular film was completely warped). If it had the Ancient Greek Gods in it, I was in.

Then in my teenage years I learnt about Wicca, which gave shape to this inherent love of Paganism I already had within myself. But it also put me in touch is other people's perception of what it meant to "hear the Gods". And that's when the self-doubt started.

I will never forget the day I joined a group of Wicca enthusiasts, and one of the older participants, who was very respected for being more experienced, completely invalidated a ritual experience that I had just described, in which the face of the Green Man came to me as I played with some leaves. He said it wasn't the God – it was probably just a spirit of nature making itself known. Well, I was young, unexperienced and insecure, like any teenager, so I just believed in him. And never again I dared to share my own experiences with the Deities, lest they be shot down again by someone more knowledgeable. 

In time, it turned into a complete distrust of my own experiences. Because the Gods did not seem to speak to me as it was usually described by others, I felt like they did not speak to me at all. 

In my post The voices in the desert, I described how I realised the emptiness and the pain in my soul were, in fact, the Gods reaching out to me. Now, I am reading the book Mythologems: Incarnations of the Invisible World (2004) by Jungian analyst James Hollis, and his description of how the Gods act in our current world has made me sure that, indeed, I have been listening to the Gods my entire life.

But how, M.? You ask me. Isn't that good ol' hubris?

I do not think so, because I believe the Gods speak to everyone. I am no one special, except in that fact, unlike many, I could never really rationalise my way out of it. Denying or ignoring the Gods has always plunged me into great emptiness and depression. The Deities speak to everyone and act through us all, the only difference being that some of us are called to heed and listen, and we cannot ignore this calling without making ourselves ill.

The 6-Card Relationship Spread

I want to share, or rather, register here a very short, easy and to-the-point spread for reading about relationships. I have been finding it very useful, especially since relationships are such a common topic for oracle readings. 

Hopefully it'll be helpful to others too!

The positions are read a follows:

1. What you bring to the relationship.

2. What you expect from this relationship.

3. What the other person brings to the relationship.

4. What the other person expects from this relationship.

5. What is to be learnt from this relationship.

6. What is the next step in your journey together.

New Moon Reading: Active Healing

This reading was done for the Oracle Tide, which is a monthly online meeting hosted by Ana Cortez (co-creator of the Playing Card Oracles) that happens every New Moon. I did a spread last New Moon as well but I forgot to share it here, unfortunately. Anyway, this reading is about what I should expect for coming lunar cycle, which begins today, with the New Moon in Cancer.The first thing which called my attention was the fact that both the top and the bottom cards are Hearts (element Water), which suits the fact this lunar cycle begins in a Water sign. Also, the two court cards – K♦ (Leo) and J♣ (Lancelot) – are "between" these two water cards, as if underwater. Of course, Lancelot is bursting out of a lake in his card, which is also significant.

What I get from this first overview is that this cycle will be about healing (7♥) and dealing with emotional confusion (3♥). All explorations and actions, represented by the two male court cards, will be done within the realms of emotions, intuition, the unconscious and so on. But because this reading is not full of black cards – in fact, the only black card (J♣) happens to be very connected to the Hearts suit as well – I don't feel it'll be a cycle of heavy introspection or deep shadow work. No, it's something like a preparation for what is to become a more outward and confident expression of one's inner vision.

So, this spread is not simply about expecting to be healed – there's an active work here, a quest for healing that also involves learning how to protect oneself from further wounding (the fact that both King and Jack carry swords reinforces that). If you look at the spread, the blade of Sword of Healing (7♥) is directly connected to King Leo's sword, mirroring it. Also, Leo and Lancelot's heads are connected and looking in the same direction. You have to go into the inner waters to heal, yes, but at some point you must also come back, integrate what you have learnt and communicate it to the outer world. This is represented by both Lancelot's image (coming out of the lake) and Leo in the throat position.

The only card that still eludes me somehow is the 3♥. I feel that somehow this cycle of healing indicated by the 7♥ will also require an emotional decision to be made. A new door will appear, that will make one's "feet" unstable. I confess I prefer to remain open to see what this card is about as the new lunar cycle unfolds.

Last, but not least, the Geomancy of the reading. I got Puer as the 1st Witness, Via as the 2nd Witness and Albus as the Judge. My interpretation is that the path to wisdom involves learning how to use one's energy into the world. An intense energy that cannot be channeled into action will turn against itself, and become a destructive, useless fire.



The Playing Card Oracles © Ana Cortez & C.J. Freeman

An honest self-assessment with the Goddess Oracle

Every now and then, we get a reading that actually changes things for us. It's not so much that they say something unexpected… Many times, we were somehow aware of the issue at hand. But the oracles manage to communicate with us in such a true way, that it's like an arrow straight to the heart of the matter. This was my most recent one.

I used the Goddess Oracle, by Amy Sophia Marashinsky and artist Hrana Janto. It's a deck I have a long-standing on-off relationship with – sometimes I love it, sometimes it completely eludes me (and by 'eludes me' I actually mean it gives me a message I am not ready to acknowledge and therefore pretend to not understand). All in all, I find it to be a very honest deck, and I enjoy using it with my female sitters.

Anyway, this reading was done in the beginning of June, on the same day I had my personal "revelation in the desert". I was in great emotional pain and feeling like I had been abandoned by the very spiritual source I had spent my life looking for (amongst other pains). So I chose one of the spreads that Marashinsky teaches in the book and did this reading.

My question was: why do I feel so abandoned and disconnected from life? And what can I do about it?

1. What is the light of the situation or what needs to be acknowledged? - Sedna (Victim)
In my years of experience with the Goddess Oracle, Sedna's appearances have always been spot on. Now, I don't enjoy being accused of overplaying the victim card (I guess nobody does), so I wasn't very receptive to Her message at first. But then I understood that Sedna was agreeing that, yes, I had been wounded in my capacity to trust and to flow with life. That hadn't been my (conscious) choice. But now, I had chosen to become a prisoner of my own passive victim mentality. I wanted to be reassured, but I did not want to take any active steps into building the bridge that would allow me to find any comfort. You can't burn emotional and spiritual bridges left and right and then complain no one is coming for the rescue!

Ouch. As I said, she was spot on. It was the first clue, for me, that I had to start being more active in my pursuit of wholeness, of reconnection.

Oh, what is in a name...?

Saturness has been my "divination alias" on the internet since I first decided to keep this blog, back in 2010. I was 22 years old, barely initiated in the ways of adulthood, with a somehow naïve but honest and hopeful spirituality which I sought to share with others through writing.

I loved Saturn, the planet, and I also felt its astrological influence very strongly in my life, as it sits right on my ascendant in a tight conjunction. My Saturn has always been a lot more accessible to me than my drowning 12th House Sun, which barely makes any aspect to other parts of my natal chart. I'm a Sagittarius Sun, yeah, but a rather heavy one, for good or ill. So I chose "Saturness" – it had a nice ring to it and, back then, no one else was using it.

Years passed, lots of Saturnesses sprang up in the many social networks we have nowadays. Me? I abandoned this blog for many years (though not my divination practice). Meanwhile, lots of things happened to me, which I will not list here... but, as expected, I changed. I was forced again and again to see and accept the reality of my life (oh, hello there, Saturn!) and to face my limitations without falling prey to an abyssal melancholy. It hasn't been an easy ride, though I am sure I still have it much better than many others in this wild, wild world.

The voices in the desert

Oh night thou was my guide

Of night more loving than the rising sun

Oh night that joined the lover

To the beloved one

Transforming each of them into the other

(Dark Night of the Soul ~ Loreena McKennitt)

I have been a pagan believer and practitioner for almost 20 years now.

Just pagan, yes. I confess that I no longer feel comfortable with calling myself a witch, since "witchy" and "mystical" became commodified things more related to aesthetics and social media engagement than to any spiritual depth. But this is not a post about how the invisible hand of capitalism has hijacked witchcraft. This post is about reclaiming something else – something a lot deeper than a name.

My journey started when I was a teenage girl and a book about Wicca fell on my head in a bookstore. Back then, the "old religion" was rather unknown here. I used all my monthly allowance (which wasn't much) to buy it and, over the next couple of days, devoured the book.

It's no exaggeration to say that that book changed my life, because it did. Now, I had always had a certain religious inclination. I was baptised a Catholic and grew up studying in a Catholic school. Since I was a small child, I used to pray for the well-being of my family, and for whatever other things that could trouble a child. I considered it very natural to reach out to God and speak to Him. And I knew myself heard.

So the book on Wicca changed my life by introducing the idea of a Goddess – a mother, a companion to God. It seemed obvious to think that, if we had a divine Father, then there must be also a divine Mother. I never felt guilty for this particular shift in my beliefs. Back then, spiritual matters were very spontaneous and natural to me. In any case, I was amazed by such revelation and soon, with whatever little money I had, I started setting up my own altar.

Then I grew up. Then life happened. And as I became more cynic and more disenchanted with the world, that spiritual life that had always been part of me began to bear the brunt of all my adult dissatisfactions. I developed a sadistic self-criticism that made me doubt and question all my spiritual experiences. Impostor syndrome hit me whenever I tried to practise my spirituality, and my rituals began to feel like empty pantomimes bolstered by wishful thinking.

I was also filled with the need to be intellectually approved in a world that still saw spirituality as something that only charlatans and/or delusional people cared about. Thus, for me to deserve any intellectual respect, I had to relinquish my irrational spiritual yearnings, or at least keep them well hidden under the floor.

 

There was also the fact that I was often surrounded by people who conflated spiritual needs with mindless adherence to unscientific and often prejudiced thinking. I loved science, but I also felt compelled to understand things that science alone could not explain. How could I claim to be scientific in anything I did if I still clung to beliefs that any rational person would quickly dismiss as nonsense?

By the time I reached 30, that easy, natural spirituality had crumbled, and I was left in a void. I tried to fill that void with intellectualism. I am a psychology undergraduate student, so I threw myself in my studies with renewed fervour. I still had my spiritual attachments, to to speak – I have been a tarot & oracle reader for many years, and continued to read professionally, regardless of my own "dark night of the soul". I even did a crystal healing course, but could never truly reap its rewards; how could I help anyone if I wasn't even sure that I believed in what I was doing?

Then I began to bargain. If the Deities wanted me to follow Their path, surely They would send me a sign, right? What about all those people who had undeniable spiritual experiences that cleared all their doubts? I could surely use one, right?

Thus, I waited for my great enlightenment. For nothing.

The Deities were silent, or so I felt. I flew into a rage; I sold and gave away all of my Craft items. I got rid of my books on the subject. Heck, I even sold most of my tarot and oracle collection – which was, in itself, a good thing, since I helped me to declutter and focus only on the decks I actually liked and used. And I believed myself to be pretty much over it all.

At some point, I even attempted to rid myself of all illogical beliefs, and become a complete atheist  – which, to me, was akin to deciding to survive in the desert with as little water and shade as possible. Spiritual seeking is an integral part of my nature, and to deny it is like denying myself in the deepest way possible. But instead of listening to my thirsty soul, that was begging to be lead out of that self-imposed exile, I entrenched myself even more in it. I became profoundly ashamed of my deep need for spiritual meaning, and began to think of myself as fundamentally defective.

Why can't I be like those people who have no need for Gods, and find all the comfort they need in science and rationalism? And on the other hand... why can't I be like the people who easily believe in anything? Who give themselves over to every little mystical experience? Why must I always be in-between, always lost and alone and unsure of my path?

And so, I despaired. And this is not a story from a long time ago. Until quite recently, that despair was very much real in my heart. In a sense, I am still under the shadow of its wings.

The Gods were silent, it seemed – but of course, that was my interpretation. I had been contaminated with world-weary doubt. I had introjected the idea that unless my rational mind could scientifically approve something, it could not be considered valid. The Deities better write my name in a lightening across the sky and call me in the middle of the traffic jam for all to hear, or else I will not believe Them.

So, you see, it was not that the Deities were silent. It was I who was deaf. And blind. And spiritually callous.

Recently, it dawned on me that, for many years, I had been like Jacob wrestling with the angel. The Divine was right in front of me – in my case, inside me. The Deities were the void in my heart, that cried out to be filled. All this time They had been calling me through this very pain, this despair, this forlornness that inhabited me, which I interpreted as an evidence of Their absence.

I was in a desert. But, you see, the Gods they are the desert.

A strange silence filled me at this realisation. The raging doubts and criticisms ceased for a while. The stormy sea of despair was becalmed.

And this is where I stand now. Right in the middle of this stillness.

~*~

I know not how my path will go from now on. My first plan is to start practising devotion again – I am setting up a new altar for that. I feel like I am approaching something akin to home...

I cannot say for sure if my dark night is over. But, right now, when I look up at the vast darkness of the heavens, I can see some stars. Even the desert has its own magic, its own Gods. And I do not feel so lost and lonely anymore.

PCO: A Cat Spread for material concerns (Part 2 - The Future)

So, now we get to the future part of the Cat Spread I started in the last post. This one brings a shift, being a spread made of Diamonds and Spades – two very positive suits when it comes to money-making and material things. In comparison to the Present Spread, we have something definitely more active and energetic here.

First of all, let's calculate the timing of the reading. Before I reached the "cat" card – the card which marks the spot in the 52-card calendar – I had three piles of 4 cards and one pile 3 of cards. The reading was originally done on December 9th 2020. That gives me about 15 weeks... so I would guess the message of this Cat Spread should start manifesting around the second half of March 2021. 

Now, to the cards. The top cards, the 8♦, is called "The House of Good Fortune", and is considered the luckiest card in the deck. This already answers my question that, yes, there is likely to be an improvement in my material situation. Together with Gawain (9♦) there is a big possibility of receiving help when needed, and also of starting a partnership that brings benefits. Work, focus and ambition will all be highlighted, which also enhances the chances of getting good opportunities. 

The bottom half of the spread gives us two Spade cards, which gives a stable base for the Diamond cards to expand. Terrene (10♠) in the Foot position reminds me that I will have to pay extra attention to my body and its needs, since this period will consume a lot of energy and is likely to be demanding. The Lady of Spades is making here a strange pair with the 7♠ – the "Sword of Destruction". I feel that both cards together are telling me I'll have to pick my battles and learn to cut away what is not nourishing me. In order to better use the energy of the moment, I also need to stay grounded and centred, as to not burn out. The 7♠ in the Heart position indicates a great amount of inner power strength, but that can turn into self-destruction if not handled with care.

PCO: A Cat Spread for material concerns (Part 1 - The Present)

It's been a long time since I have done a Cat Reading using the Playing Card Oracles. But I decided to do one regarding my material situation... my question was when can I expect it to improve. The present spread is the one on the left. 

A very... Black spread indeed, indicating introspection, passivity and perhaps even some pessimism right now. We see one Club card surrounded by a bunch of Spades... It's as if ideas and imagination were "trapped" in an extremely concrete outlook. This gives me my first clue: it's possible that an excessive concern with materialistic issues is part of the problem. 

The 5♣ is the only non-Spade card. Also, it's placed in its own suit position, which dignifies it. So, the Wind Cape tells me that while ideas are available, they are now unable to manifest or evolve due to physical or "real life" constraints. Thus, they stay trapped in the mind, turning into confusion, anxiety and mental exhaustion. 

The 4♠ confused me at first because I often see it as a card of ruthlessness and power – which couldn't be further away from how I felt when doing the reading. But then it struck me that it could also mean being in need of security and protection. Pampero (J♠) and Mardoc (K♠) add to this feeling of being so focused on material security one loses all flexibility and starts focusing solely on the possible losses. Pampero in the Heart position suggests a lack of creativity and vision... it gives me the impression of a person merely enduring the responsibilities and challenges, and not seeing them as an important part of growing up and having freedom.