Flower Speaks: Fighting denial with openness

Now that the day of my departure draws closer, I am busy packing my bags and taking care of some final details. But until a couple of weeks ago, I was in a state of denial about it.

Yes, I want to go. Yes, I do love travelling. But the fact is that travelling always makes me anxious (different country, different language, don't know anyone, don't know what to expect etc.), and the only way that I could deal with it was pretending it was not there. La-la-la can't hear you, can't see you. But eventually, maintaining the denial was becoming more painful than facing the source of my anxiety, so I decided to do a reading about the whole... thing.

I used the Flower Speaks deck because nowadays it seems to be one of the few oracles that I can still use for myself. I don't know what's happening, but suddenly any self-readings I do using either the tarot or the PCO (or even my beloved Witches Runes) just make me more confused than enlightened. Thus, I have been saving these oracles to use for others. I guess the decks that work best for me are the one I love but never bothered to memorise the cards, so I still need the companion book... that keeps me from confusing myself, since I don't have many preconceived ideas about the cards.

But I digress. I did a reading and it was amazing how it helped me to see my situation under a different light... and also to recognise what emotions/fears inside me are making the whole thing harder than it has to be.

My question was what am I supposed to be learning from this experience?

The Wheel is the moment...

For the last few years I have, during the New Year (well, not during the celebration itself, since at that time I am usually too busy chugging my champagne as if I wanted to sink my brain into alcoholic oblivion), done a 12-card reading to see what awaits for me in the upcoming year.

It's by no means a detailed reading - it's actually vague enough not to spoil my enjoyment (hahaha) of the coming year, and interesting enough to keep me curious and looking for signs. And indeed, I was looking for signs when I discovered the first card - corresponding to January 2014 - was the Wheel of Fortune.

Well. What do you do when you get the Wheel? Right, you expect CHANGE (and I don't mean the monetary kind) to fall from the skies like a bounty from the High Powers themselves. And the Wheel usually makes us optimistic about what is to come... because, really, one can only live the same old thing for so long before wondering whether they slipped into a coma and life has become just a recurrent bad dream.

So obviously when I saw the Wheel, I immediately expected a change. A sign. A hint. An unforeseen situation. A tall, dark stranger. Preferably in the next corner. Preferably bumping into me and and turning my life upside down in the best way possible, and me, assaulted by so many unexpected emotions, being immediately catapulted from Boring Dream straight into Epic Romance.

Is it possible to be addicted to tarot readings?

Yes, it is possible.

If you need your cards to decide between the bathtub and the shower, that's a good sign that you are suffering from a tarot addiction.

If you have more tarot readings in your week than actual life experiences, you are probably addicted.

If you don't trust yourself to handle any situation without asking your cards first about it, you are addicted.

If you freak out because you forgot your tarot deck at home, or if you are doing 10 Celtic Crosses to find out what exactly did your crush mean when he/she said "get out of my life", then it's definitely time to go to rehab.

I know some people who are more worried about predicting and/or understanding what is happening in their lives than actually living. It's sad because they seriously think they are wiser or superior for doing so. Only tarot is meant to be a complement to life, not a replacement.

Tarot is a symbolic language, used to represent... guess what? Life.You need a life to work with tarot. If you don't have a life, the only way tarot can help you is advising you on how to get one. If you sit in a room all day using your cards to analyse all minor details and what ifs of all choices you have to make before opening the door and facing life, chances are tarot will only help to feed your illusions. You'll think you are living, but you are not - you are just caught in a mental cycle, imagining what life would be like if you ever decided to live it.

Am I just self-righteously handing out rules for others to live by? Perhaps, but that is not my intention. For one thing, I am a master at getting caught in self-indulgent delusions, so I am kinda speaking out of experience. Any kind of addiction is bad. Even addiction to apparently harmless things - spirituality, yoga, exercise, tarot, imagination, you name it. Addictions cripple you. They turn a pleasure into a crutch.

Remember the Devil card? You should.

So if after reading this post you think you might be addicted to tarot, now is a good time to put your deck in the drawer and.. go outside, live a bit. Magic happens outside your comfort zone and, goodness knows, tarot can go from challenge to comfy zone in a snap.