For this Sabbath, I made a small midsummer yarn sun, to decorate my altar during the Solstice night, and then my front door. I got the instructions from this website, and I am quite happy with the results, that you can see in this photo. I realise it's not the usual decoration people associate with Christmas, but I simple refuse to fill my house with plastic evergreens, fake snow and images of a guy dressed in winter clothes when the weather outside is sunny and hot!
Handcrafting items and decorations for each sacred day has been a wonderful experience... in a sense, it entwines my spiritual beliefs more tightly with my daily life. For many years, my practices were something that happened outside of ordinary life, and they also pertained to a side of me that I did not expose to the outside world. But this year, I feel like I am finally managing to unite, within myself, the "Apollonian" M., who works, studies and deals with objetive life, and the "Dionysian" M., the pagan woman who needs to celebrate the mysteries through rituals and to connect with the symbolic world.
That said, my Solstice wasn't just a celebration of life and light... for some reason, the ending of the year always gives me a heavy heart. It is as if I felt the passing of time in my very bones and it overwhelms me with anguish, so I find it hard to simply enjoy the moment. I think it's the "Apollonian" in me who still has illusions of control over life... but it's difficult to get rid of the little voice in my head that insists on whispering: "life is passing, and what have you done so far?"
What have I done so far? I have done a lot... I have a good life, with many wonderful people in it, which is more than many can claim to have. So why do I still feel this dissatisfaction? Sometimes, I feel as if there was something I should be doing, but I am not and try as I might I cannot remember what it is. The only moment this little, disquieting voice goes away is when I am writing, or making these small craft works for my altar...
For this Solstice, I have thanked the Great Mother and Father for all good things and people they have put in my path... I have thanked them for the family that supports me, and for the fact I have everything that I need. I have asked them to lighten my heart and enlighten my path, so that I can find my way with more confidence and less anxiety about the things that are beyond my control...
