To know the Gods by name

In retrospect, I believe the Gods have always spoken to me.

When I was a child, I was passionate about mythology. I was very proud that, by the age of 8, I knew the names of all planets and the Gods they represented. I loved shows and cartoons that had to do with Greek Mythology – Xena, the Warrior Princess, Saint Seiya, Disney's Hercules (and even back then, I knew that the mythology in that particular film was completely warped). If it had the Ancient Greek Gods in it, I was in.

Then in my teenage years I learnt about Wicca, which gave shape to this inherent love of Paganism I already had within myself. But it also put me in touch is other people's perception of what it meant to "hear the Gods". And that's when the self-doubt started.

I will never forget the day I joined a group of Wicca enthusiasts, and one of the older participants, who was very respected for being more experienced, completely invalidated a ritual experience that I had just described, in which the face of the Green Man came to me as I played with some leaves. He said it wasn't the God – it was probably just a spirit of nature making itself known. Well, I was young, unexperienced and insecure, like any teenager, so I just believed in him. And never again I dared to share my own experiences with the Deities, lest they be shot down again by someone more knowledgeable. 

In time, it turned into a complete distrust of my own experiences. Because the Gods did not seem to speak to me as it was usually described by others, I felt like they did not speak to me at all. 

In my post The voices in the desert, I described how I realised the emptiness and the pain in my soul were, in fact, the Gods reaching out to me. Now, I am reading the book Mythologems: Incarnations of the Invisible World (2004) by Jungian analyst James Hollis, and his description of how the Gods act in our current world has made me sure that, indeed, I have been listening to the Gods my entire life.

But how, M.? You ask me. Isn't that good ol' hubris?

I do not think so, because I believe the Gods speak to everyone. I am no one special, except in that fact, unlike many, I could never really rationalise my way out of it. Denying or ignoring the Gods has always plunged me into great emptiness and depression. The Deities speak to everyone and act through us all, the only difference being that some of us are called to heed and listen, and we cannot ignore this calling without making ourselves ill.

The 6-Card Relationship Spread

I want to share, or rather, register here a very short, easy and to-the-point spread for reading about relationships. I have been finding it very useful, especially since relationships are such a common topic for oracle readings. 

Hopefully it'll be helpful to others too!

The positions are read a follows:

1. What you bring to the relationship.

2. What you expect from this relationship.

3. What the other person brings to the relationship.

4. What the other person expects from this relationship.

5. What is to be learnt from this relationship.

6. What is the next step in your journey together.

New Moon Reading: Active Healing

This reading was done for the Oracle Tide, which is a monthly online meeting hosted by Ana Cortez (co-creator of the Playing Card Oracles) that happens every New Moon. I did a spread last New Moon as well but I forgot to share it here, unfortunately. Anyway, this reading is about what I should expect for coming lunar cycle, which begins today, with the New Moon in Cancer.The first thing which called my attention was the fact that both the top and the bottom cards are Hearts (element Water), which suits the fact this lunar cycle begins in a Water sign. Also, the two court cards – K♦ (Leo) and J♣ (Lancelot) – are "between" these two water cards, as if underwater. Of course, Lancelot is bursting out of a lake in his card, which is also significant.

What I get from this first overview is that this cycle will be about healing (7♥) and dealing with emotional confusion (3♥). All explorations and actions, represented by the two male court cards, will be done within the realms of emotions, intuition, the unconscious and so on. But because this reading is not full of black cards – in fact, the only black card (J♣) happens to be very connected to the Hearts suit as well – I don't feel it'll be a cycle of heavy introspection or deep shadow work. No, it's something like a preparation for what is to become a more outward and confident expression of one's inner vision.

So, this spread is not simply about expecting to be healed – there's an active work here, a quest for healing that also involves learning how to protect oneself from further wounding (the fact that both King and Jack carry swords reinforces that). If you look at the spread, the blade of Sword of Healing (7♥) is directly connected to King Leo's sword, mirroring it. Also, Leo and Lancelot's heads are connected and looking in the same direction. You have to go into the inner waters to heal, yes, but at some point you must also come back, integrate what you have learnt and communicate it to the outer world. This is represented by both Lancelot's image (coming out of the lake) and Leo in the throat position.

The only card that still eludes me somehow is the 3♥. I feel that somehow this cycle of healing indicated by the 7♥ will also require an emotional decision to be made. A new door will appear, that will make one's "feet" unstable. I confess I prefer to remain open to see what this card is about as the new lunar cycle unfolds.

Last, but not least, the Geomancy of the reading. I got Puer as the 1st Witness, Via as the 2nd Witness and Albus as the Judge. My interpretation is that the path to wisdom involves learning how to use one's energy into the world. An intense energy that cannot be channeled into action will turn against itself, and become a destructive, useless fire.



The Playing Card Oracles © Ana Cortez & C.J. Freeman

An honest self-assessment with the Goddess Oracle

Every now and then, we get a reading that actually changes things for us. It's not so much that they say something unexpected… Many times, we were somehow aware of the issue at hand. But the oracles manage to communicate with us in such a true way, that it's like an arrow straight to the heart of the matter. This was my most recent one.

I used the Goddess Oracle, by Amy Sophia Marashinsky and artist Hrana Janto. It's a deck I have a long-standing on-off relationship with – sometimes I love it, sometimes it completely eludes me (and by 'eludes me' I actually mean it gives me a message I am not ready to acknowledge and therefore pretend to not understand). All in all, I find it to be a very honest deck, and I enjoy using it with my female sitters.

Anyway, this reading was done in the beginning of June, on the same day I had my personal "revelation in the desert". I was in great emotional pain and feeling like I had been abandoned by the very spiritual source I had spent my life looking for (amongst other pains). So I chose one of the spreads that Marashinsky teaches in the book and did this reading.

My question was: why do I feel so abandoned and disconnected from life? And what can I do about it?

1. What is the light of the situation or what needs to be acknowledged? - Sedna (Victim)
In my years of experience with the Goddess Oracle, Sedna's appearances have always been spot on. Now, I don't enjoy being accused of overplaying the victim card (I guess nobody does), so I wasn't very receptive to Her message at first. But then I understood that Sedna was agreeing that, yes, I had been wounded in my capacity to trust and to flow with life. That hadn't been my (conscious) choice. But now, I had chosen to become a prisoner of my own passive victim mentality. I wanted to be reassured, but I did not want to take any active steps into building the bridge that would allow me to find any comfort. You can't burn emotional and spiritual bridges left and right and then complain no one is coming for the rescue!

Ouch. As I said, she was spot on. It was the first clue, for me, that I had to start being more active in my pursuit of wholeness, of reconnection.

Oh, what is in a name...?

Saturness has been my "divination alias" on the internet since I first decided to keep this blog, back in 2010. I was 22 years old, barely initiated in the ways of adulthood, with a somehow naïve but honest and hopeful spirituality which I sought to share with others through writing.

I loved Saturn, the planet, and I also felt its astrological influence very strongly in my life, as it sits right on my ascendant in a tight conjunction. My Saturn has always been a lot more accessible to me than my drowning 12th House Sun, which barely makes any aspect to other parts of my natal chart. I'm a Sagittarius Sun, yeah, but a rather heavy one, for good or ill. So I chose "Saturness" – it had a nice ring to it and, back then, no one else was using it.

Years passed, lots of Saturnesses sprang up in the many social networks we have nowadays. Me? I abandoned this blog for many years (though not my divination practice). Meanwhile, lots of things happened to me, which I will not list here... but, as expected, I changed. I was forced again and again to see and accept the reality of my life (oh, hello there, Saturn!) and to face my limitations without falling prey to an abyssal melancholy. It hasn't been an easy ride, though I am sure I still have it much better than many others in this wild, wild world.