If a tree falls in a forest...

"If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?"

In the age of lightning speed communication via social media, with its hypnotic aesthetics and videos, it seems personal blogs have pretty much become a relic. Who has time and patience to read the meandering thoughts and experiences of some random anon on the internet, whose life events don't directly affect any of the readers? It is a lot easier to follow others, like their posts and share your own photos: a picture is worth a thousand words, now more than ever before.

Even in the few tarot and cartomancy communities that are still alive, I have noticed a deceleration of the discussion, as well as a decrease in their complexity. Those endless threads of woolgathering and bouncing ideas off with others no longer exist and blogs, which used to be how we followed other people's more individual journeys, are out of fashion.

I do not mean to wallow in empty nostalgia here – there is not pointing longing for what used to be, we are not going backwards after all. Our social rhythm of communication has changed, that is a fact; the results of this, only time will show. In itself, it's neither a good nor a bad thing.

So why do I bother writing here, knowing that no one reads it any more? I ask myself that sometimes too. I have tried to be a part of the divination/spirituality "community" of Instagram, but it wasn't for me because I express myself the best through words, not images. Furthermore, I do not like the constant exposition and 'self advertisement' that social media seems to be all about. 

At first, the prospect of writing for no one but myself did seem a bit pointless. But then I remembered that, for centuries, people have kept private journals they never showed anyone, or only allowed a selected few to read. Was their writing pointless? I do not think so. 

There is value in recording our own unique journey, even if just for ourselves. Reading back through this blog, I can gauge how much I have changed as a person, both in spirit and in writing, while still pinpointing the many particularities that make me... well, myself. Nothing is exactly like it used to be, and yet there are parts of who I am that are constant. They grow and adapt, of course, but they are still indelibly me. And it is fascinating to be able to see this, to have this little time machine of ideas, thoughts, events and inner states.

So I keep writing. When my fingers fall on the keyboard and there is no one around to see it, they still make a sound. And even if no one else ever listens, I know that I will – in the future. 

Besides, who knows? Perhaps blogs will someday come in vogue again...

PCO: What to expect of my new internship?

I did this reading about my new clinic internship in Psychology, which has just begun. I'm going to stay in this program for one year and a half and it'll be my first time working individually with patients (in my last internship, I only worked with groups). Anyway, before I even started there, a lot of changes happened: the last internship coordinator was fired from the University, so now we are under a new leadership and also have new supervisors.

This made for a rather shaky start, but things are going well and the new supervisors are great people, who are making positive changes in the program. Still, the prospect of finally exercising what I have so far only studied in theory has been making me really nervous, so I decided to do a reading. My question was "what can I expect from the internship in these first weeks?"

The top card of the spread is the 5♦, which is usually remembered by its most negative connotation of being a warning in finances and transactions. But it has other meanings and, being in a dignified position here, in the place of its own suit, it can refer to changes in one's financial plans and even in one's identity (Diamonds is the suit of ego and identity after all).

I feel like this card is telling me things will not go exactly as I am expecting, but also that this new experience will change how I see myself or present myself to the world. My self-confidence will be tested, but it's neither a positive nor a negative thing per se – it all depends on how I choose to respond to the challenge. Combined with the 10♦ (Tendra) right below it, I also get the impression that this will be a very demanding undertaking at first, requiring a lot of my energy.

The A♣ is all about thoughts and perceptions, and in the Heart position this card tells me that, indeed, my powers of perception will be in the "heart" of the matter here. When I posted this spread in the Discord group, Ana Cortez gave me yet another possible interpretation to this card – a wish for a heartfelt fulfilling relationship with this internship! This spread surely lacks Heart cards, so the A♣ occupying this position could represent my desire to really create emotional ties to this place and the people in it, which apparently will not happen so naturally at first (but the potential and the desire to is definitely there).

Lastly, we have the Q♠, Morgana, in her own suit position. At first, I thought Morgana was telling me I would have to build some strong roots in order to not be swayed by the things I see there (we deal with many difficult cases there). Ana,complemented my interpretation by noting how the Earth Queen is upside down... she's trying to get her feet back to the ground, but that is not happening, which is a rather uncomfortable way for her to be. So there's this impression of rootlessness, of taking a while to find one's footing. The lack of Hearts once again plays its part, since Morgana is lacking her complementary energy and needs to work with the rather elusive A♣.

Under Lady Morgan's care

It has been a while since a reading has really comforted me in a difficult time. I have been super anxious and stressed due to my new internship (I have done a proper reading about it, which I'll post later), and the big change it caused in my routine has really thrown me off my axis.

First, I attempted to use The Triple Goddess Tarot which, sadly, has that problem I wrote about in the review. As beautiful as the art is, the book is just shiny metaphorical yadda yadda that really doesn't say anything when you stop and think about it. The message I got was "the glorious light of the Maiden of Heaven surrounds you with Her luminosity; the flowering pleasure of your highest destiny". What the heck, right? Or perhaps I am just too dumb to understand it.

But I'm getting off topic here. So, having got nothing useful there, I decided to go for one of my surefire decks, the Oracle of the Dragonfae. And, as usual, it did not disappoint.

Morgan le Fey is a card of healing and protection. She reminds me that I am never alone, which is true... I am an intern, and at all points in my work I can trust my supervisor and colleagues to be there and help me in case anything goes awry. Also, she tells me that, despite the feeling of being a dislocated alien there, the truth is that I am "coming home" – I am finally about to start doing that which I have spent years studying and preparing for! "You are coming home, to the truth of your soul and of your skills. Working hard will be a part of this".

She advises me to stay open to friendships, even if I feel like retreating back into myself (which I do, unsurprisingly). My confidence has been very damaged by others in the past, which has led me to distrust most of people; but she tells me I must make this effort to build bridges, knowing that I do have important things to bring to this job too. The right influences and support will help me restore my broken confidence and bring out the best in me.

I know this sounds like wishful thinking, and could be seen as a rather self-serving interpretation of my situation. That said, sometimes it feels good to be comforted, instead of only being made aware of the hardships and challenges that lie ahead. It makes waking up in the morning a tad less scary.

Oracle of the Dragonfae (2nd edition) © Blue Angel Publishing & Lucy Cavendish

WHR: Are you ready to take your place?

I went through a rather wild episode yesterday. I was in bed with my boyfriend when, quite suddenly, I was assaulted by a torrent of mental images and sensations, which did not seem to have anything to do with my life or anything I have lived recently. I felt as I was remembering dreams in high speed, one after the other... but these dreams were not my own, and after a while I could not tell whether they had been dreams or actual events.

Needless to say, this left me very disoriented for a couple of hours, not to mention sensitive and vulnerable. No amount of rational reasoning could stop the influx, to the point I sat crying on the bed while L. tried to understand what was going on. Thankfully, despite being a very rational engineer, he is very patient and open to my weirdness.

After I had calmed down, it became very clear to me that I had been 'flooded' by unconscious contents, in a sort of dissociative episode (which my therapist later one confirmed was probably the case). It's not the first time I experience something like that, but I cannot say it's a common occurrence either.

Seeking to understand the meaning of this strange experience, I did a small reading using the Wisdom of the Hidden Realms.

1. The first card is The Diamond Dreamer in upright position, which makes him an ally in this spread. It's a very materially-oriented card, which at first confused me a bit. After some thinking, I realised he speaks of the physical manifestation of something that had been, so far, only a potential.

2. The second card is The Altar Priestess, upside down, which makes her my challenger. In this position, the priestess reprimands me for "selling myself short" when it comes to my intuitions, and refusing to step into my sacred role. Also, she tells me that I have been downplaying my importance in the world, believing my talents and knowledge don't make any difference and, thus, withholding them.  

Together, these two cards seem to point at a moment of manifesting skills that so far I had kept only to myself, or only thought about but never really put into practice. I'm being called to do something in this world, and this episode I suffered on Sunday was the way my inner self found to make me snap to attention.

Then I pulled one last card, asking what aspect I have been unable to see about my situation. I got The Mapmaker of Destiny, who is both an ally and a challenger. He tells me that the latest circumstances are 'fated', in the sense that I must go through them because they are part of my unique path. To live in-between two worlds, that of pragmatic reality and the one of visions and dreams... to serve two (often opposing) masters, consciousness and the unconscious... to remain loyal to both the living and the dead... these are some of my charges, which I cannot ignore without losing a big part of myself. That said, I can turn what is 'fated' into 'destiny' by responding to such challenges in constructive ways... My choice does not lie in what will or will not happen, but rather in what I do with what has been given to me.

I have been given certain gifts which are now ready to materialise, but their full potential can only be reached if I step up to the role I am meant to occupy. In a sense, this reminds me of the previous reading I did, using the Mythic Oracle. Clearly, I must stop shying away from my own path... but I am still too afraid of being seen as arrogant or downright crazy for feeling the way I do...


Wisdom of the Hidden Realms © Jena DellaGrottaglia & Hay House, Inc.

Mythic Oracle: Learning to be free

For many weeks, I barely touched my cards. I became heavily caught in other personal projects, plus my academic responsibilities, and did not feel called by the oracles. However, as it is wont to happen, when we focus too much on one aspect of our lives, soon the others begin to demand attention.

Like Carl Jung said, "this is also the fate of the Logos: in the end it poisons us all" (Liber Novus, p. 280). Give too much to the Logos – the rational, organising side that helps us make ideas concrete in this world –, and soon its overpowering light turns everything dry and brittle. See, in the creative cycle, both Eros and Logos are needed. Eros is the wet, primitive earth, the great binder and loosener in which ideas are formed. And Logos is the light and air that help these ideas to make their way into the concrete world. To stay too much in Eros is drowning madness. And to stay too much in Logos is death by drought.

A few months ago, I went through a very rich Eros moment, which filled me with ideas that I turned into writing. Recently, however, my writing has become forced – I have given into the 'obligation' to produce stories, rather than the pleasure or joy of it, to the point I have been trying to write even though my mind feels empty of ideas. I understand we must not keep waiting passively for ideas to arrive but, sometimes, we need to acknowledge that we are going through a moment of inner dryness, and that the only solution is to let go so that the waters of creation may rise in us again. It is, admittedly, a very hard thing to do – specially for a control freak like myself, who am in the middle of project I want to finish no matter what, and feel utterly unable to do so.

Trust me, being a Psychology student makes you no smarter when it comes to detecting your own blind spots. Stubborn pride ("I will not fail at this!") often causes us to ignore that out carefully laid plans are no longer taking us anywhere. It was upon realising it – and I did spent some weeks struggling with what I thought was mere laziness or impotence on my part – that the cards called me once more. The deck that I chose (or, rather, the deck that chose me) was the Mythic Oracle.