After doing that relationship reading for a friend, I decided to do a different one for myself. Not that L and I we are having any big issues right now but I do feel that soon I will be confronted with important decisions regarding what I want and expect from our relationship of nearly 4 years.
This time, I chose the Wild Unknown Animal Spirit oracle and used one of the spreads that come in the book. It's a very straightforward 4-card spread, but I have added a 5th card in the centre for advice. The author, Kim Krans, doesn't really explain the positions of the spread in depth, and two of them – shadow dynamic and illuminated dynamic – felt very… vague to me. So I chose to interpret the shadow dynamic as that which is lacking or not developing naturally and the illuminated dynamic as that which flows naturally in the relationship.
1. You ~ Vulture
At first, the vulture does not seem to be the sort of card we would like to draw for ourselves. But as I read the description in the book and gave it some thought, the meaning of this card became very clear. According to Krans "the vulture appears when there's a situation that needs to be purified or brought back into balance". In my relationship with L, I often feel like I take up this role, of processing the dark and negative stuff and 'flushing it out' of the relationship. It's a difficult position to be sometimes because L is a very rational person, and so I end up seeming the crazy one of the pair, since I bring up and deal with the unconscious emotional 'waste' that he doesn't see (or ignores).
2. The other person ~ Fox
The description of this card in the book could not be better: "an ideal partner, a loyal mate, and an exciting lover". And while I do agree that L is a wonderful partner in so many ways, if things were perfect then I would probably not be having my doubts. I think the fox here shows that L is a person to whom partnership is extremely important, and who genuinely enjoys connecting and being together. On the other hand, he can be a little wishy-washy when it comes to difficult conversations and decisions, and sneakily avoids dealing with the underbelly of the relationship.
Now, the dynamic of these two cards is interesting. I kind of get the feeling that, emotionally speaking, I end up doing most of the heavy lifting. Maybe it's because I am a woman and feel the passing of time more acutely than he does (even though he's older than me)? Or because I cannot rationalise what bothers me away? It's definitely something to ponder about.
3. The shadow dynamic ~ Beaver
The beaver is all about building physical structures that can nurture and protect emotional needs (since it's an animal of both earth and water). The card is about tasks that require long-term, steady efforts, and that is precisely what doesn't seem to come naturally to our relationship. We are good together, but we essentially lead separate lives. Our schedules (mine, mostly, with classes and work and whatnot) don't help much, but the fact is that there are no evident signs that we plan on building anything together. The beaver is a very family-oriented card, but in this shadow position it shows family is not something we are creating together at the moment.
4. The illuminated dynamic ~ Swan
The swan is a card of strong creative energy, which asks for "solo time" to devote to one's creative endeavours. Well, this is something we have in abundance. L has just published his first novel and is working on tons of other projects. I am currently writing my undergraduate thesis. In this we are very similar, and we know how to give each other space without feeling resentful or anything. In fact, we feel very comfortable working together in the same room, each doing his or her own thing.
These two cards are interesting. On one hand, our minds and creative spirits really mesh with each other and we naturally keep a certain autonomy and independence, perhaps more than most couples. On the other hand, this very quality keeps us from connecting in that bodily/instinctive level that leads people to join their lives with another's, like the desire for a common home and family. What we create together is swan-like (elevated, mental), not beaver-like (down to earth and physical).
5. Advice ~ Moth
The moth is a card that warns against wishful thinking and 'grass is greener' mentality. It advises me against doing things halfway and reminds me that everything comes with its own particular set of challenges. It's not about sticking to the relationship for the sake of it, but about being willing to take the bull by the horns instead of looking for easy solutions or engaging in escapism. Vague frustrations are not a solid ground for decision-making; I must be more honest about what I want before deciding if what I have is enough for me or not.
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